Not typical

It’s been a rough day. I’ve been on the edge of melancholy and insecure all day. It’s like I can’t quite wipe away the sadness. I think the fight Sir and I had awhile back bruised my trust and it’s struggling to heal. Maybe that’s why it’s hard to share that I’m scared. As I learn more about myself and do some of the soul searching Sir is regularly telling me to explore I’m afraid we will grow in different directions. He is the first person outside my son to show me love.

I’m finding I’m not quite typical (big surprise there *read with sarcasm*). Not quite a typical babygirl, though closer than the other labels, and not fitting a sub either. Seems I pick bits and pieces from three different labels; babygirl, sub, and slave. For example, I like the possessiveness and being owned by Sir but the control down to my diet and exercise is becoming suffocating. I’m a big girl, I don’t need someone to micromanage my daily life. Being submissive and of service isn’t the overwhelming urge for me that it seems to be for most subs.

Even when I regress I’m still different. Most littles seem to like coloring books, they are too easy for my taste. Most littles really get into it and play and change speech patterns. My speech patterns change a little but not toward baby or toddler talk, for a lack of better words. I become more expressive, saying what I want (which usually revolves around being cuddled and made to feel safe and protected).

More than anything I need to feel safe, loved, and cherished and not for the fun sexual things that can be done. Out of the blue Sir decided he was going to get me a present today so He had me make a wish list on Amazon. I need to put roughly 10 things on for each of my main facets; Anna (my little), Diana (my strong, confident, self assured, sexual side), and Dee (the side of me the world knows, or thinks it does, my mask for a lack of a better term). I’m excited to receive it but I have to wait until Friday. 😛

I know what type of pretty thing is coming for Diana, I just don’t know the design of it yet. I have guesses for Anna and my mask. Did I mention I like the surprise of it and am crushed if someone spoils it but I love guessing? I think Sir got Anna the Perplexes Ball Epic that was added to the list for her. Dee is getting this beautiful dark coffee color purse, I think. Come Friday I’ll let you all know if I was right.

My mom and her husband are heading out to their property in the country tomorrow. I need the break from them. Maybe I can get some lazy cuddles and snuggles from Sir sometime this weekend. I’ve really been needing the Daddy side of Him lately with all the stress here. I just need my safe harbor in my crazy life and I’m struggling to find it. Sir has been more… well, Sir than Daddy as of late and all the turbulence in my life lately is really starting to wear on me. I need a princess pampering day.

I feel like Daddy has went away and left this strict disciplinarian in His place. I love Sir’s Dominant side and need it from time to time but I need Daddy just as much, if not more. He hasn’t said so specifically but I think it’s been stressful for Sir lately. He gets so mad so quickly at me over things I have no control over or am still learning control over. Whatever the cause this little is feeling battered and bruised in the heart by this new side of Sir.

This blog seems to be the best way to tell Him things sometimes. He can calm down before I wake up and I don’t get as roughed up in the process. I guess I’m going to catch some sleep before Aj wakes me hurting in a few hours. Goodnight everyone!